Birthday

On top of all my studying, I have to plan a freaking birthday party for myself!! If there was ever a worse time to through a party, it would be the week of your child's finals. Another thing that sucks is that my birthday is so close to Christmas so everyone is going away for the holidays. I had to through it this early if I wanted the people closest to me to come. I'm excited for the dancing and food, especially my amazing birthday cake. I just do not enjoying doing everything for it and getting the clubhouse ready. My cousin is flying in tomorrow for my party and to be with me for the break. He happens to be one of my favorite family members, who is around my age. I love him deeply.

Tomorrow I have to get the balloons and order a bigger cake because too many people were invited. My parents and I have invited 60 people who have all confirmed to come. I am very happy about this conformation, but at the same time, it is overwhelming! Holy shit! Who thought everyone was going to show up! For goodness sakes, I'm only turning 18! 

All jokes aside, I'm glad my mom made me through this party because it allows me to be close to the people I love the most. I've invited my closest friends,which are Gloria, Rosie, Leandra, and the wonderful Gingerbutt. Maria won't be able to make it until a week or two later, so I'll miss her. One thing that hurts is that she forgot to wish me a happy birthday. She's my BFF and didn't even remember that yesterday was a special day to me. 

Finals

I am extremely tired and stressed from this semester. Honestly, it went by faster than I pictures. When Mr. Burge mentioned that this years would go by quickly, I didn't take his word seriously. All I could wish for is the return of the first month of school. Things were relaxed then, and the work was simple. Now it has become too complex that I feel over my head. Tomorrow, I have to take my AP English and AP Biology. These two classes are the lowest grades I have in all of my six classes. No pressure right? WRONG! I am not prepared. I don't thinking will ever be. With English, I don't feel too bad about but there is a lot of pressure because I'm at a 90%. I've been studying and JustFab insisted my thesis statement with the bullet points. I have the three books memorized as well as some of the rhetorical terms. All I'm nervous for are things that are going to come at me by surprise. I will never let something like this happen again!!

This is what I have been thinking about the last couple of weeks, my grades. AP Biology is freaking me out! I have an 84% in that class and don't think it will be going up to an A. I'm even worried about getting a C because I am not confident about the final at all! god, please help me pass these trials before I have a heart attack. The problem is that this teacher is horrible at grading and putting things into Infinite Campus. I don't know what my final grade is because not all of my work has been credited for! It's very frustrating and is truly pissing me off!

Frankenstein and his creation

I enjoy reading this book very much. From my previous reading, I found out that the creature and Frankenstein met again for the second time in the mountains. The imagery that was used to describe the beauty of nature as Victor went exploring was stupendous and vivid, but a bit too long for me. I liked how the nature was an asylum away from all the devastation that hit Victor in the face every morning he woke up.

I was blown away that Victor followed the creature to the cave and definitely thought that he was doomed from the beginning. The story that the creature shared was heart-warming and grave. The feelings that rose within were sadness, anxiety and hopefulness. This creature was born to a world where he knew nothing about living and had no one to depend on. It worried me to see how much pain he would go thorough in order to survive. 

As the creature was describing the little shack he had found by the cottagers, I was hoping for things to work out. In the back of my head, I worried that he would end up getting hurt once again. Even though Mary Shelley creates Victor Frankenstein as the protagonist, I believe he truly played the antagonist. Living his work behind was a reckless and hurtful thing to do, both for him and the creature.   

Future Plans

So much is going to happen in the next two months! 

First, there will be finals, which is the week I will dread the most.

Next is my birthday party, where a lot of people I don't know will be attending along with some of the people I'm closest to.

Then, I will be going skydiving!!!! Hopefully the next day we will hit the road. When I say "we," I mean anyone who wants to come with me... My best friends, my cousins, and other people that I know. 

I plan to see Hasan when I go to California because I truly miss him.

After, I will celebrate not celebrating Christmas with my family, which is more fun that you would imagine. Also, I have many great friends that invite me to spend Christmas with them to experience the traditional Christmas. Last year was with Connor, and I had fun with him and his kind family!

Next, I will be going to Salt Lake City with Rosie and Wendy. I'm also planning on inviting my 19 year old cousin because I think this will be a good experience for him. We will be meeting up with other youth to do an intensive Ruhi campaign along with celebrating New Year's Eve!

Then, I hope to start my job at The Body Shop, if they hire me. I LOVE THAT STORE SOO MUCH!!!! The manager wants me to bring in my resume for a potential position. 

After, we will be doing an intensive Ruhi campaign in Reno with Ashkan and other friends. I don't know how it's going to turn out because we have to find youth that are interested in participation in our program.

From then on, I assume I will return to school to finish the last year of my high school life.

Hasan

There is something special about this boy. I can't stop thinking about him. It's been two months since I broke it off with him, yet he is still on my mind. I miss him terribly because he is everything a girl could ever want and I messed that up. From the beginning, I had a connection with him that was more spiritual than anything else.

We met over the summer as we were both staying at the cabins at Tahoe with some other people. We were studying a book, when the topic of different countries came up. I told him how badly I wowed to visit Brazil and he had the same wish. We shared a lot with each other in those few days. I immediately began developing feelings for him,  but it didn't seem that he was at all interested in me as more than friends. As we became closer, he began to have a playful attitude with me, always teasing and messing with me. I assumed that he was leaning more towards friends than anything else. Sadness took those days, but still left me with great memories with him and everyone else.

His true feeling shined through when I moved to Davis for the summer.  He expressed how he slowly began liking me more than friends and thought that was completely unacceptable. Our age difference was one thing that bothered him. He was in college and at that time, I hadn't even begun my senior year. Our feelings for each other pushed everything aside and a relationship began. It was a summertime relationship that I never wished to end. He was so sweet and caring. From day one, he always put my needs before himself. He was a gentleman and a friend. He was respectful and loving. He was generous to all those around him. He put a smile on everyone's face with his jokes and pranks. He was perfect, and I loved being with him.

Things became different as I returned to Reno and he remained in California. Even though it was a short distance that separated us, things weren't the same. I think that's what made me push him away. At first, the break up did not affect me at all, and frankly, I was relieved of the relationship. Truthfully, I was scared of how close we were getting, and the thought of commitment was driving me in the opposite direction. After two months, thoughts of marriage were coming up, and I couldn't grasp my mind around that. With Hasan though, that marriage would have been amazing. Then the thought of him meeting my parents terrified me.

I saw him last month when Lily, Rosie and I went to California. He looked great. We both didn't know how to act around each other. It was awkward and horrible because it seemed like I had lost a best friend when the relationship ended. What was worse was seeing the girls flirting with him right in front of me. Our relationship was held in secret, so none of our friends knew. That's why they didn't hide anything in front of me when they confronted one of the girls about the relationship she had with Hasan. It sucked so much to hear and to feel that no one knew how I was feeling. Now, I'm not sure if they were exclusive of if she just had a crush on him, but I still didn't like it! 

Oddly, I can't tell how I feel. I can't tell him I want him back or if these feelings are caused because now he's unavailable. All I know is that I don't want to hurt him. He is too amazing. Our friendship has restarted since the last time we saw each other, and there is no way I am messing that up. 

Coming up...age of significance

My mother has been taking about my birthday party since last year, telling me about all the plans that she wishes to carry out. Honestly, I do not want the party she has in mind and would rather celebrate with close friends on the weekend and have a separate night for family friends and family. My mother is a very stubborn women who gets it her a way because she is usually right and only does things in the best of intentions. I trust her ability to plan a fantastic 18th birthday party, but my dad doesn't think so. He is against this whole big party idea. My mother turned me on her side, so now it is against two to one. Unfortunately, he doesn't really get a say anymore and has to follow through with the plan to make my mom and I happy. He truly is a kind man, while she is a hardworking woman. I love them both.

It is becoming more and more stressful as I am getting closer to the date. Part of me hates planning and getting the invitation cards, but part of me cannot wait to get all the people I love around me to celebrate a day that will allow me more freedom. In two weeks, I will be independent of my parents. This sounds scary, but sounds refreshing! I have planned for my cousins to come to Reno for my party, so that the next day, we can go to California for skydiving!!! I am so excited! This thought came to me a couple of months before, so I immediately began telling everyone I knew, showing me I couldn't back out because that would make me look like a chicken. 

Maria is flying from Mexico to Reno for December, so she will be here for both the special dates. Lily got a job just so she could pay for the expenses of the trip and the skydiving experience. It is expensive, around $300 to jump out of a plane. I think it is all worth it to share an experience with people I love and care for. This will be a great end of the year memory! 

Frankenstein

Frankenstein was a bit boring at the beginning, bit became more interesting as Victor made progress in his experiment. As Victor describes his creation, it is obvious that there are events that caused him to believe what he did was so horrible. He is always referring to what he made as a tradegy that never should have happened, that his pursuit towards the occupation he acquired was a fatal mistake. I thought that after the creating the monster, he would grow close to him as a father.  His reaction to Frankenstein completely threw me off guard. This is one of the parts of the book I do not like because it brings agony to my heart to think this newborn creature had to be alone instead of loved. I'm surprised that the monster would just disappear for two years, and suddenly show up because of William's death. 

When Victor and Frankenstein first interacted, Mary Shelley described the experience as non-hostile, the monster had a grin on its face and was reaching out to Victor. His reaction is what drove Frankenstein to run away. I believe that Frankenstein didn't go far and was always in Victor's shadow. That is why I think it is absolutely ridiculous that Frankenstein killed William. I think that it was just following Victor home because it didn't have anyone else to follow. At first, I truly believed that Justine murdered William, but now I am a bit confused. She continued to plead her innocence, and Mary Shelley continued to express in detail her innonence, so it seemed that Justine didn't do it.

The story truly becomes more intriguing as I read it. I can't wait to find out who the murder was. I also wonder if Victor is chasing the monster out of worry and care for him, or if he is chasing it because he assumes that it destroyed his life and his family. So many questions, but glad to read more because this book is so interesting!!